Navigating Re-entry: one post-baby step at a time

As lockdowns lift across eastern Australia, many of us are in the midst of-re-entering the world – thrilled to finally be face-to-face (or mask-to-mask) and commencing our new-normal lives IRL.

However, for many this enthusiasm for skin-to-skin contact and a semblance of ‘normalcy’ comes hand-in-hand with some very real fears around reentering society. As much as we’re excited to be in an office with our colleagues and clients, are we really ready to leave the comfort of our homes?

Re-entry anxiety is likely to be a very common theme as we navigate this period. According to Melbourne-based psychologist Chris Cheers (who has recently emerged from a total of 262 days in lockdown over the past 18 months), months of solitude paired with relatively high case numbers present in the community means that our bodies are perceiving threats in every direction – just as they do when we develop social anxiety. So, as we take steps towards re-entry, we’re likely to feel exhausted in situations in which we would have had no problems prior to Covid-19. And the situation is only going to be harder for those of us who have pre-existing mental illness. 

Basically, for some (if not all) of us, it’s going to be like the ice bucket challenge – hard and a shock to the system, leaving us trembling and wondering why we did it in the first place.

When I started to read about re-entry anxiety, it was all feeling very familiar. Then I realised I had been through all of this before – as has a large population of women in the workforce.

After my first child was born, it took me well over two years to feel comfortable getting back on the phone to a client. I had been out of the game for so long that I had completely lost my ‘match-fitness’. Prior to baby #1, I was comfortable waxing lyrical in front of CEOs, COOs, CFOs about my ability to get the job done, but upon return, I found myself afraid to even sit in a room with them. Burnout, fatigue and a lack of current experience meant that all of my previous demons were coming back to visit (Hello imposter syndrome! Welcome back self doubt!).

Thankfully, I learnt some excellent lessons as to how to get back into the workforce – lessons I’m able to draw upon now to help with post-lockdown re-entry anxiety.

1. Learn what works for you

Early on in my working life, I subscribed to the belief that the harder and longer I worked, the greater the output. In lieu of understanding how best I worked, I took the energiser bunny approach. Note to reader: not recommended. Whether that behaviour instigated my anxiety or simply fuelled it, that incessant striving to improve all the many things led to pretty severe burnout. 

One of the things that helped me gain insight into who I am and how I operate was looking into my Human Design. Kind of like astrology meets Myers Briggs, through my Human Design blueprint I found out that I’m not very good at doing endless hours of work – I know I am most productive between the hours of 9am-3pm, and that I need time to ruminate, mull things over and do blue sky thinking in the quiet hours of the morning or reflective afternoons. This understanding not only resonated with me, but gave context to why I struggle to subscribe to the mould of an 8.30am-6pm working day, and allowed me to employ different ways of working – without feeling like I was ‘doing it wrong’.Lockdown has shifted the way we work, so now is the perfect time to assess what has and hasn’t worked for you. Perhaps your ideal involves working in solitary confinement for 5 hours with no breaks then leaving it behind a closed door. Or perhaps it means tapping in for a bit here and there over the day and focusing more on honing your skills rather than honing the work. Whatever it is, once you understand what works for you and stop trying to force yourself to work within structures that are built for ‘everyone’ (aka no one), you’ll be amazed at how it affects your anxiety. Once you stop trying to force your beautiful square into a one-size-fits-no-one circle, you can shake the pressure to perform, the pressure to be something you’re not, and allow yourself to achieve the way you do best.

2. Take it slow

I had my first daughter five months into starting my business. I took two and a half months ‘off’ (the rest of the team was working from my living room), but then was straight back at it. It was horrendous – no one prepares you for how mentally challenging it is to be a new Mum, let alone the physical depletion a mum endures. Add to this the many and varied challenges of running a business and you’ve got a perfect recipe for burnout. I felt overcooked, blackened and unsavoury.

I had to take it slow – starting with design work, managing the business, and slowly rebuilding my confidence to the point where I was comfortable talking to clients again.

There’s a reason why when we throw people in the deep end, we give them floaties. It doesn’t matter if you used to be really great at treading water – now is not the time to be challenging yourself to keep your head above the water. Strap on your floaties and wade slowly back in.

3. Rebuild your confidence

Whilst I never really took long stints of time ‘out’ to focus on motherhood, I did step away from certain parts of the job, like pitching. The result? I developed a huge fear around pitching, and convinced myself that I could no longer do it. I became riddled with self-limiting beliefs.

Imposter syndrome was something I’d experienced in the past (like many high achievers), but never this savagely. I recognised that the best way for me to combat this feeling of inadequacy was to work at rebuilding my confidence. So, I strapped on my floaties and waded into the pool – the pool, in this case, being a year of public speaking training. 

It was hard. When I started, I couldn’t even stand up in a room in front of 10 people and say my name, let alone who I was and what I believed in. I cried the whole time, and was overwhelmed with negative self-talk. But, by practicing in a safe space (albeit a bloody scary one with perfect strangers), I found and strengthened my voice again, and regained confidence in my work.

The good thing about re-entering the world after lockdown is that most people in the room are in a similar situation, having to overcome similar stresses and anxieties.

Chances are, it’s just as weird for them as it is for you – they’re likely to also be spending too much energy on whether to shake your hand or give you the elbow-bump.

The other good thing is that, thankfully, studies around the world show re-entry anxiety passes quickly. Whilst this is a relief, it doesn’t invalidate the fact that, for now, things are going to be tricky, jarring and/or a little awkward. So, do as the bears do post-hibernation – take it slow, go easy on yourself (and others), allow yourself time to rebuild and get to know what it is that you need to navigate this period.